Motherhood is No Day at the Beach

A lot has happened in the past two years since I've written anything on this blog, including two little things like giving birth and getting a new job. But now that I am working for a parenting magazine and have been reading through tons of articles about this topic, I felt the need to put fingers to keyboard and begin spewing my thoughts once again to add to the plethora of point of views already existing on the internet.

Now that I've made my re-introduction, I thought I'd start off with what it means to be a parent at a beach versus the pre-motherhood days of what was once known as "relaxing."  I put it in quotes because what was once known as "relaxing" is now more like "let me sit down for 5 minutes and not worry about my daughter freaking out that there is sand in her toes or that she just put a rock in her mouth and wants nothing to do with the ocean." It is now a much different experience. I wouldn't say it's worse... just different.

It is mid-July and I have now gone to the beach with my nearly 2 year old about eight times.  I was hoping she would be one of those kids that just dives right in to all the sand toys and wants to jump the waves; however she is more of the type of kid who constantly asks to go the beach but then when she gets there is super clingy, scared and whiny. There was no time to lay down and tan or take a long walk. No time to even go swimming because once I walk towards the water she wants to come with me, but not really because that would require actually getting in the water. So I realize quickly that I will need to adjust my way of what it meant to go to the beach, and now switch in to mom at that beach. In the end it was a success! Here is how it was done.
Step 1: Let child sit on lap while on the sand and ignore the fact that your entire bathing suit is now filled with sand.
Step 2: Point out constantly all the children having fun in the sand and water
Step 3: Hold child while standing in the ocean - but do not attempt to dip child or there will be screams of murder in your ear!
Step 4: Collect rocks and shells to show that there is fun to be had
Step 5: Fill a bucket with water and constantly wash off sand from child's hands and feet
Step 6: Take child to a wave-less tide pool to play in sandy water and look for crabs.
Step 7: Buy an icey!

And once the child finally becomes comfortable with the beach it is time to go home.  Child then asks to go to the beach every day except you are living in an apt in Brooklyn where the closest body of water is the East River. Yay Summer!

Picture caption: Not my child!

Mom In a Box

Living in a 700 sq ft apartment has presented its challenges almost on a daily basis, but most recently with a baby on the way. I am constantly trying to rearrange furniture, trash or sell things I don't really need, and organize in order to make my apartment a comfortable place to call home. I consider myself to be pretty good at this task and I am able to minimize the clutter in a small two bedroom, one bath with a husband and a cat. But the stakes have been raised now that we're having a baby in 54 days (that is if she comes on time). Although they are small, babies seem to need a whole load of stuff that has dragged me in and convinced me that I actually need these things. They get they're own furniture for just being born, which consists of a crib, dresser, changing table, rug, rocking chair, and toy boxes. But then there are the things to entertain it like a swing or bouncer, plus enormous boxes of diapers and wipes, bottles, monitor, and clothes that they grow out of in a matter of days. And of course the stroller and car seat, which not only takes up room but can cost you a pretty penny. And this is just the bare minimum. Like the wedding industry, this is a billion dollar market that I need to break into - it's a gold mine! But I'm having a constant struggle of need and want, and denying your child versus being smart about raising them. Don't they just want to be loved and to feel safe? Isn't that what we all want?

Photo: The crib! The big addition to the apartment.

I've chosen to live in this apartment and I'm actually glad that I'm forced to be minimal with the amount of baby stuff. The more room I would have, the more stuff for the baby there would be, which means just more stuff for me to eventually trash or sell.

In My 30s

With my 32nd birthday approaching next week I can say I'm really in my thirties. I remember just starting out at my first job at age 22 and having my boss say to me that her 30's were her favorite time because she finally new what she was happy doing and felt sure of herself. Of course that was a different time when people usually kept the same job for years working their way up in one company. The ironic thing is that me and my boss had both been laid off at the same time 2 years later. I have no idea what she is doing now but I'm wondering if she feels different about what she said.

At almost 32 I still don't know what I want to do. At 22 I did. But 10 years later as the job market has changed, I'm married, own an apartment, have a baby on the way, "what do you want to do" is still a question for me that is asked of 5 year olds. I think many people my age feel the same way and wonder whether they should quit and start over. Maybe go back to school, move to another state, travel the world, start a family, start their own business, etc. So I thought it was interesting to read the New York magazine cover story from the July 12, 2010 issue called "All Joy And No Fun. Why Parents Hate Parenting." The thing that resonated with me the most was the point that many people feel unhappy with being a parent because they are starting later in life (30's early 40's) and in turn have started living their life the way they want and now need to make sacrifices for their new family and they can't find happiness the same way they did without a child. There are of course moments of happiness with having a child but not the same way you would find happiness with getting recognized with a promotion at work or the freedom of getting last minute drinks with girlfriends. The freedom is gone but does that mean there really is no joy?

I am excited and anxious to see how the next year of my life plays out and welcome all the challenges and changes that come my way. Although I have been thrown curve balls with losing my job, my husband losing his job and then going back to school, having a baby 2 years later than expected, I plan on making the most of it. Maybe when I'm 40 I'll be the same way my boss was and say that my thirties were my favorite time.